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Hit me on the head

We have Muzak here, out in the hallways by the elevator and in the bathrooms. Here, you get to piss to denatured music. Mostly I ignore it, but, sometimes–

Listen, do you know about Muzak now? It’s not instrumental versions of old John Gary hits now. No “Indian Love Call.” No faded Cole Porter. Now, it’s often music you know. Music you listen to. Music you like. Music that leads to questions, like:

How can someone simultaneously like Talking Heads and play Muzak? Because “Burning Down the House” can be explained by Musaking the singles charts, but then whence “This Must Be the Place (Naive Melody)”? Really, don’t you go home after recording that day and look at your copy of Speaking in Tongues and enter some sort of fugue state? Or at least self-loathe for a bit?

Why the hell is there so much Merle Haggard? It’s mostly the bland Merle Haggard to begin with “Silver Wings”, “Hungry Eyes”, etc., but still: Merle Haggard != Muzak.

Where did the Muzak people even hear of Freedy Johnston? Really. Where.

Mostly what I ask, though, is, Is this better than Celine Dion. On the one hand there is the confirmed scientific law that everything is better than Celine Dion. On the other, man, don’t you feel sad? Like that time you heard the Cure in the grocery store.

Filed by shaun at July 31st, 2006 under indifferenthonest